First, I should say that I am not "lazy," and neither are most of us who find ourselves temporarily without work (which is one of the stigmas out there). I dedicate 40 hours a week to my job search, and treat it as my full-time job. How can I fill up this time, you may ask? Well, these days, a job isn't just going to fall into my lap, so it's easy to fill up the time with networking (either going to events or reaching out to my own network, sometimes to inquire about a company and sometimes just to "wave my hands" so I'm a little more top of mind). I'm also constantly looking for job postings, talking to recruiters and headhunters, attending webinars (I'm working on my PRC certification--one more thing to add to my resume), and reading a LOT of news--I am more aware now of what's going on out in the business world than I usually have time for when I'm working full-time. I also do interview a lot, so I spend a lot of time doing company research and interview prep. With all this work that I do, you can see why it would be hurtful when I hear folks say that the unemployed are "not trying hard enough," or are "lazy mooches."
Despite all this hard work, I still put up with a lot of adversity. Many companies never call me, sometimes surprisingly so (if a company's industry and job description match exactly what I have done in the past, making me perfect for the role). I take my interactions with headhunters with a grain of salt because, while it might be a decent lead into a company, they ultimately work for the companies, not for me. And in dealing with the companies themselves, I have found that many processes do not benefit the job-seeker. Follow-up always takes longer than they say it will (hey, they have a lot going on), the formats of online job applications indicate that some companies appear to be recruiting keywords rather than people, and because of the stiff competition out there, they are (and perhaps can afford to be) very very selective. More than at any other time I've spent job-searching, companies now are increasingly requiring much more before making any offers--several rounds of interviewing (5 rounds is not uncommon), tests, throwing folks into stressful situations to see how they handle it, looking at work samples, etc. Some of this is to be expected, as I am further along in my career than I was in my younger days. But sometimes it does seem like more than that--companies obviously now can afford to be picky, and they do indeed take advantage of that.
All that is just the day to day stress. There have also been some fascinating experiences that make up the stories I may tell my children someday. My favorite example is a company that was a great fit for my background--I had worked in the industry before, and the job description basically described me. I spent a month interviewing with them--I met with lots of people, and every time I was in the office, they pulled more people into the interview, unplanned ("oh, if you have a few minutes, I'd love for you to meet X"). This is always welcome, and a positive sign. They had me put together a project plan with 3 scenarios, and present it to them. When all was said and done, they told me I nailed all the interviews. But they weren't going to hire me. Not because there was someone else they liked more--they were going to leave the position open and keep accepting applications. Why, you may ask? They decided they were looking for someone who had done the work with no budget. I wish them all the luck in finding such a person, if it exists, but I wish they hadn't spent a month of my time interviewing me when they would ultimately rule me out based on something in my background that they knew the first time I talked to them.
The worst part about unemployment, however, is the stuff that people don't like to talk about (which I will, because if you know me, you know that I have no problems talking about nearly anything). Even if we know that the situation is temporary, it is very difficult to not have a "purpose." No one is expecting me to show up somewhere every morning. In an American culture where who you are is often measured by what you do for a living and how hard you work, it's dehumanizing to believe that you make no worthwhile contribution--especially when you have to rely on friends and family for help more often than you would like. If the job search lasts more than a couple of months, you become very sensitive when people ask you, "so, you don't have a job yet?" suggesting that you aren't good enough or have somehow failed. It hurts even more when it comes from family. You start to avoid talking to those people. If you have any hope that you will (eventually) find a job, you still face the stress of the unknown--your life may change drastically, causing you to move, perhaps across the country, and you have no way to prepare for it because you don't know when it might happen or what the circumstances will be. If you're lucky enough to receive unemployment benefits, you still have a very limited budget, and may worry about paying all your bills. You have to turn down a lot of invitations from friends because it just isn't in your budget anymore, and may be embarrassed to say why because you don't like to talk about money. Sometimes that means you don't see your friends as often. You feel depressed, and if you already had some sort of clinical depression, the situation is worsened (although you are still criticized by others who say you should "be more positive," or "stop being depressed," when they obviously don't understand what real depression is). And despite all this stress that you go through worrying about your future and your livelihood, you still have to appear in great spirits to the companies you talk to because one hint of negativity or one slip-up in even the smallest way, and they can turn you away. Because they can afford to be picky.
Why am I sharing all this with you? Why get so personal with my peers, my mentors, and anyone else who might read my blog? (okay, maybe I'm too optimistic about my readership--I'm not sure even my mom reads my blog). It's because I believe, in all aspects of life, that the world is a better place when we understand each other. My unemployment experience is not going to be the same as all those who are unemployed, but I can guarantee that we're all fighting a tough battle. Be kind to us. Instead of saying something like, "so you don't have a job yet?", try simply saying, "how are you doing?" and don't be shocked if we let a lot of horror stories spill out. We don't have a lot of people to talk to. Instead of inviting us to your birthday party at an expensive restaurant, tell us that you'd like to see us, and suggest something we can do together that won't make us worry about money. And forgive us if we haven't been ourselves lately. We're dealing with a lot.
Best wishes to all of you, and thanks for reading all the way to the end. That last part is the most important.
