I'm not normally a person who does resolutions and such for New Years--my general belief is that I can be motivated to make a change in my life at any time of the year, and I take advantage of that when the motivation is pure and strong, not when it is dictated by a holiday. However, perhaps because my life is currently at a bit of a crossroads, I have found myself recently reflecting on a few things and thought it would be good to write them down (if for no one else other than myself).
First, I've thought about what has happened in the past year and how I have grown. Since I have worked in very fast-paced industries in the past, I've always been used to frequent and rapid change. But 2012 has definitely shown me how to roll with the punches in my personal life, as well. People always say, "don't sweat the small stuff," and we all believe that we live by that rule. But usually what happens is we tell ourselves that small things don't bother us, and secretly they fester under the surface and make us unhappy. This year I think I've made more progress on really living that mantra. This year I was laid off along with 40 or so other colleagues in a company restructuring, and although I understand very well my colleagues' desire to lash out against said company with verbal slander, I just did not find it productive for myself since there was nothing I could have done to change the situation, and I needed to move on with my life. That's a big event, too--I've found that the small things roll off my back fairly easily now as well, without even much thought. I think in past years I have told myself that things should not bother me, but the reality was that they did. In a sense, we can't control what bothers us and what doesn't, at least in the short-term. But perhaps between all the times I told myself that things shouldn't bother me, and going through a period when a lot of big stuff happened, I have gained that deep-seeded perspective that if there isn't anything I can do about a situation, it isn't worth getting upset or stressed-out over. I think it's important that I recognize this change in myself and be grateful, before I launch into all the things I want to change.
So, about that. The coming year is going to present a lot of changes for me, of that I am sure. I do firmly believe that I will be in another job soon (it just remains to be seen where it will be). And regardless of where that job will be, I will also have a new place to live soon. I have to recognize that all of these changes afford me the ability to "start fresh," set a new routine, and make my life into what I want it to be. Now is the time for me to decide what that is. A few things I want to change:
- It's okay to be a little selfish. I've thought about others my entire life. Practically my entire existence has been about making others happy, trying to make others like me, and doing the right thing for everyone. While this is admirable and I will always continue this to a degree, I've found that balance is necessary so that others don't take advantage of me. Maybe this is a little bit of the East Coast rubbing off on me, where everyone only thinks about "number 1" and if I am always thinking about others, I always lose. I'm not going to lose anymore. I deserve to live a good life, too.
- Get back into volunteering. Some things will never change, though, and working for my community and for a cause is a big part of who I am. I've fallen away from it a bit in the past few years as I've dealt with a lot of personal issues, but it's time to start back up again.
- Assume nothing. It is so easy to get into an argument or disagreement or misunderstanding by not saying something because I assume the other person already knows, or by assuming that the other person would act in the same way I would. They are not mind-readers, just like I am not a mind-reader. State the obvious--I'll avoid the problems, and if it really is too obvious, we'll both have a laugh over it.
- Be grateful. There will always be terrible things that happen to me in life. But I get through all of them when I remember that no matter what happens, it can always be worse. Focusing on the positive things in my life helps adjust my attitude away from dwelling on those terrible things. I like the idea of waking up every morning and thinking of at least 3 things that make me happy, or that I'm grateful for. Thinking of happy things is a good way to start every day, don't you think? It makes a big difference in my attitude for the entire day.
- No waiting around for life--life is short. Since I think I've gotten down the "don't sweat the small stuff" mantra in practice, this is one I'd like to work on as a new long-term thought mantra. I've lived my life carefully for the most part, and while that can be a good thing in many ways, it may have stifled my ability to take risks or take advantage of opportunities that could end up being great or even life-changing. I don't want to look back at my life in 20 years and wish I had done more or tried more. The older I've gotten, the more I've realized that it all moves very fast, and the years I have ahead of me are not infinite. There's a saying that hit me like a ton of bricks the first time I read it, and I like to remind myself of it often, whenever I catch myself "waiting" for happiness to find me:
“For a long time it seemed to me that life was about to begin – real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life. This perspective has helped me to see there is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way. So treasure every moment you have and remember that time waits for no one. Happiness is a journey, not a destination.” ~Souza
Anyway, that's enough deep philosophy for now. Good luck to all of you in your goals, whether they are weight loss, quitting smoking, or attitude adjustments (like mine).
Well said, Becky. Go you!
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